, a fancy photo sharing thing.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Monday, June 1, 2009
loving someone without loving em
As is been sitting here thinking through my thoughts and all these other things on my mind. I remember what matt had said. (Matt is a pastor at the vineyard church over in the student union. On the middle school side) what he had said to us and I happened to be in there at the time is that “ if you really love someone or like the person that you wanna date, well don’t date them, be friends with them and keep it that way. Because once you date that person the friendship that you had before is no longer there, it will never be the same as before.
I’m sure he can explain it better.
When he had said, it really caught my attention. But as I began digging deeper and thinking more into what he had said I understood what he was saying and meaning for it to say and it don’t sound so crazy as u seem it does. But then it’s like I don’t want it to be true…..
I had a deep talk with one of my good friends, we been through a lot together.
What she had said to me that stuck on my mind is (how are you suppose to find your soul mate, if you can’t love some?) I didn’t really know what to tell her after she had asked me that. I felt bad and lost at the same time. Weird combination to have at the same time….....
I’m sure he can explain it better.
When he had said, it really caught my attention. But as I began digging deeper and thinking more into what he had said I understood what he was saying and meaning for it to say and it don’t sound so crazy as u seem it does. But then it’s like I don’t want it to be true…..
I had a deep talk with one of my good friends, we been through a lot together.
What she had said to me that stuck on my mind is (how are you suppose to find your soul mate, if you can’t love some?) I didn’t really know what to tell her after she had asked me that. I felt bad and lost at the same time. Weird combination to have at the same time….....
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Life Is Like A Maze
Hey! My name is Misty Engel. I’m 17 years old in an English class right now. We are writing an essay on different topics we get to choose from. I’ve decided to write about my past of my childhood, the hard things that i've faced in life and how close death had come for me.
At the age of 13 I would say that’s when everything had started happening. I remember well, I been getting more depressed as the days went by. I also was having thoughts that I don’t want to alive anymore and that I just want kill myself. Yes there are reasons too why i’ve been feeling that way.
I have experienced my step dad beating my mom quite some times. I was scared and couldn’t do anything but just stand their in fear with tears rolling down my face nonstop like a waterfall of some sort. I’m surprised they didn’t stop rolling down because I was crying my whole life. I wouldn’t have thought there wouldn’t be anymore left, but there was. They were still running down my face one after another. All I could see is a blurry picture of my mom lying there bloody from him beating her so much. I wanted to help her or do something, I couldn’t, I didn’t know how. I would always think it was my fault for everything bad that happened.
I kept this inside of me, letting it keep on building up after another because I never told anyone, their was no one that I could talk to…, or maybe there was, I was just embarrassed to say something. I was still a normal teenage kid. I had tons of friends; we went out to places and had fun. When it would be time for me to come home I would hate to walk in the house it’s like a nightmare.
Around age 15 I really never talked to anyone. Not even my family of friends. I kept to myself a lot and never wanted to talk to anyone. I suppose I carried that into my life still because people would say that i'm shy around others. (Really)? Is that what you think? I say, that you can’t judge a book by its cover. So why say that i’m shy just because I seem or look like I am.
I just have nothing left to say anymore, that’s all.
I been getting more, and more depressed in life and hating everyone, even myself. It was like I was in this small box suffocating to death. I knew that one day would come and it has. I was 15 at the time. With all the emotions, anger from my past that kept on building up, I got mad one night and I run away. I ended up coming back the next day. The next time I knew if I ended up leaving again it would be different.
And so it happened, I left again and this time I wanted to be dead for good. Anything to get off this so called earth. Three of my friends were following me. Elizabeth, she was on the phone the whole time talking to her brothers’ wife with fear in her tone of voice giving her directions to where I am and surly they picked up my mom.
Stephanie and her brother roger were following me also. (To make long story short)… I got on top of this building, didn’t know what type of building it was because it was dark at the time. My heart was beating so fast like a racehorse. I’m just stand
ing on the edge looking down at the ground trying to focus on the spot where I was going to land. My mind was going crazy. At the moment of me standing on the edge all I could think about is everything bad that had happened to me and that i’ve done to others, and also how much better it would be without me being alive. All I could hear is the wind blowing quietly, my heart pumping smoothly fast. I tuned out Elizabeth, Stephanie, and roger as they were yelling in fear. As I began to take a deep breath and slowly bend my legs getting ready to jump, roger came out of know where just as I was forming to jump he came behind me and pulled the back of my shirt, yanked me back towards him, making me trip over my feet falling on the ground of the roof with my back landing with major impact. I was laying there as if I was dead. I took a deep breath and just looked silently. After all the fear in moments that happened that night, I had nothing to say, not even to myself.
Later I began starting to cut myself at the late age 16 onto age 17. I would cut myself for quite a while. Its like once you start its hard to quit, related to smoking I guess you can say. I would try to find anything that is sharp enough to tear into my skin. I got to the point that I didn’t care what I used or where it came from, as long as I could cut my skin to where blood comes running out. When I would cut, that’s what my main focus would be on, it would take my attention off everything else. I broke one of my CDs and used pieces with the sharpest points that I could find. I broke the glass of my picture frame and used pieces of the glass. I also broke a nail polish bottle and used pieces of that, with not caring that their is polish on the glass that’s going into my skin as I began to push it into my arm. Cutting was my relief to anger. When I got done, there would be a bloody tissue on my desk along with blood running down my arm. I would just sit their looking as the blood ran slowly down my arm watching it dry. I felt I actually accomplished something. The only thing I accomplished it letting my anger get the better of me.
Until one day I went back to that night when death came my way I thought of how stupid I was and that I was so close of being dead that night. I had been thinking back to that situation a lot. I finally realized that I don’t need this in my life and all i’m doing is living a story. So I told myself that its time to change.
Then BAMM….. It hit me. There I was, on the ground kneeling down crying my heart out. Asking for help, anything to not live this kind of life anymore. Asking for forgiveness in a tone as if someone is holding a gun to my face, I found someone special in my life, and his name is God.
My name is Misty Engel,
I’m now a new person. I love life; I would like to live everyday of it. I found my purpose here on earth or should I say I found my purpose in life. I’ve been accomplishing it. I now help other teens that lived like me and need a friend to talk to, someone who understands and had experienced these things. I’m proud to help others change their life around and see a smile appear on there face again.
I had something good happen in my life. I’ve also experienced a lot more things I did not mention. I guess what i’m trying to say here is that life is like a maze, your going to run into walls, and dead ends through out your life. No one ever said it’s going to be easy. The only way to get to the finish line is not to give up and keep on moving
At the age of 13 I would say that’s when everything had started happening. I remember well, I been getting more depressed as the days went by. I also was having thoughts that I don’t want to alive anymore and that I just want kill myself. Yes there are reasons too why i’ve been feeling that way.
I have experienced my step dad beating my mom quite some times. I was scared and couldn’t do anything but just stand their in fear with tears rolling down my face nonstop like a waterfall of some sort. I’m surprised they didn’t stop rolling down because I was crying my whole life. I wouldn’t have thought there wouldn’t be anymore left, but there was. They were still running down my face one after another. All I could see is a blurry picture of my mom lying there bloody from him beating her so much. I wanted to help her or do something, I couldn’t, I didn’t know how. I would always think it was my fault for everything bad that happened.
I kept this inside of me, letting it keep on building up after another because I never told anyone, their was no one that I could talk to…, or maybe there was, I was just embarrassed to say something. I was still a normal teenage kid. I had tons of friends; we went out to places and had fun. When it would be time for me to come home I would hate to walk in the house it’s like a nightmare.
Around age 15 I really never talked to anyone. Not even my family of friends. I kept to myself a lot and never wanted to talk to anyone. I suppose I carried that into my life still because people would say that i'm shy around others. (Really)? Is that what you think? I say, that you can’t judge a book by its cover. So why say that i’m shy just because I seem or look like I am.
I just have nothing left to say anymore, that’s all.
I been getting more, and more depressed in life and hating everyone, even myself. It was like I was in this small box suffocating to death. I knew that one day would come and it has. I was 15 at the time. With all the emotions, anger from my past that kept on building up, I got mad one night and I run away. I ended up coming back the next day. The next time I knew if I ended up leaving again it would be different.
And so it happened, I left again and this time I wanted to be dead for good. Anything to get off this so called earth. Three of my friends were following me. Elizabeth, she was on the phone the whole time talking to her brothers’ wife with fear in her tone of voice giving her directions to where I am and surly they picked up my mom.
Stephanie and her brother roger were following me also. (To make long story short)… I got on top of this building, didn’t know what type of building it was because it was dark at the time. My heart was beating so fast like a racehorse. I’m just stand
ing on the edge looking down at the ground trying to focus on the spot where I was going to land. My mind was going crazy. At the moment of me standing on the edge all I could think about is everything bad that had happened to me and that i’ve done to others, and also how much better it would be without me being alive. All I could hear is the wind blowing quietly, my heart pumping smoothly fast. I tuned out Elizabeth, Stephanie, and roger as they were yelling in fear. As I began to take a deep breath and slowly bend my legs getting ready to jump, roger came out of know where just as I was forming to jump he came behind me and pulled the back of my shirt, yanked me back towards him, making me trip over my feet falling on the ground of the roof with my back landing with major impact. I was laying there as if I was dead. I took a deep breath and just looked silently. After all the fear in moments that happened that night, I had nothing to say, not even to myself.Later I began starting to cut myself at the late age 16 onto age 17. I would cut myself for quite a while. Its like once you start its hard to quit, related to smoking I guess you can say. I would try to find anything that is sharp enough to tear into my skin. I got to the point that I didn’t care what I used or where it came from, as long as I could cut my skin to where blood comes running out. When I would cut, that’s what my main focus would be on, it would take my attention off everything else. I broke one of my CDs and used pieces with the sharpest points that I could find. I broke the glass of my picture frame and used pieces of the glass. I also broke a nail polish bottle and used pieces of that, with not caring that their is polish on the glass that’s going into my skin as I began to push it into my arm. Cutting was my relief to anger. When I got done, there would be a bloody tissue on my desk along with blood running down my arm. I would just sit their looking as the blood ran slowly down my arm watching it dry. I felt I actually accomplished something. The only thing I accomplished it letting my anger get the better of me.
Until one day I went back to that night when death came my way I thought of how stupid I was and that I was so close of being dead that night. I had been thinking back to that situation a lot. I finally realized that I don’t need this in my life and all i’m doing is living a story. So I told myself that its time to change.
Then BAMM….. It hit me. There I was, on the ground kneeling down crying my heart out. Asking for help, anything to not live this kind of life anymore. Asking for forgiveness in a tone as if someone is holding a gun to my face, I found someone special in my life, and his name is God.
My name is Misty Engel,
I’m now a new person. I love life; I would like to live everyday of it. I found my purpose here on earth or should I say I found my purpose in life. I’ve been accomplishing it. I now help other teens that lived like me and need a friend to talk to, someone who understands and had experienced these things. I’m proud to help others change their life around and see a smile appear on there face again.
I had something good happen in my life. I’ve also experienced a lot more things I did not mention. I guess what i’m trying to say here is that life is like a maze, your going to run into walls, and dead ends through out your life. No one ever said it’s going to be easy. The only way to get to the finish line is not to give up and keep on moving
Saturday, May 16, 2009
My only sister
My only sister
Everything was going good that day until I walked in the door from school and that’s when it happened. I heard the news. It’s all happening now. All the pain raised up form me once again. It happened so fast I couldn’t believe it. So all we could do is wait for them to get home and tell them the news. (When they got off the bus from school I stood there
watching them walking up the driveway about to enter there way in the house) When they did there were already people sitting around the table waiting. So we sat them down and I pulled up a stool to sit, trying my hardest not to cry (As I am right now typing this) we all sat down at the kitchen table and told them. That was a horrible feeling inside me. Well as my foster mom told her she started crying nonstop.
I couldn’t hold it in any longer so I began crying. (Tears falling down my dry face). As my cheeks began getting moist it was now time for them to officially leave. She came over to me and gave me a hug and that’s when even more tears started
draining out.
As they was bout to get in the car we all gave each other another hug and said our good byes. She got in the car with her little brother (mark), she was still crying. I don’t think mark knew what was happening. Well as the car was leaving we was waving good bye. Then I started to think about the times I remember having with her, when we would go to bed she would have the door open and the bathroom light on every single night and would start talking to me all night long( would not let me get any sleep what so ever). Then I would always yell at her to keep the light off because I can’t sleep with lights on but when I would wake up in the middle of the night the light would be on, so I would go turn them off.
But get this, that night the day they had left it was different. There was no one to keep me up while I was trying to sleep, no talking, no nothing. It was so quite. I thought it was going to be peaceful and I could actually get some sleep but I though wrong, it was way different. I turned the hall light on and actually kept the door open. I was crying all night. (could not sleep worth nothing)
I never wanted to share a room with her. She would get me so mad we argued all the time. She was always touching my stuff. I wanted her to leave so bad. And now that she is gone and I know never coming back I cry every time I go into that room. I miss her so much. Every time I think about her, tears would be draining out my eyes. Who knows when the next time ill see her.
She was like my siste
r. My only sister that I never had.
Everything was going good that day until I walked in the door from school and that’s when it happened. I heard the news. It’s all happening now. All the pain raised up form me once again. It happened so fast I couldn’t believe it. So all we could do is wait for them to get home and tell them the news. (When they got off the bus from school I stood there
watching them walking up the driveway about to enter there way in the house) When they did there were already people sitting around the table waiting. So we sat them down and I pulled up a stool to sit, trying my hardest not to cry (As I am right now typing this) we all sat down at the kitchen table and told them. That was a horrible feeling inside me. Well as my foster mom told her she started crying nonstop.I couldn’t hold it in any longer so I began crying. (Tears falling down my dry face). As my cheeks began getting moist it was now time for them to officially leave. She came over to me and gave me a hug and that’s when even more tears started
draining out.As they was bout to get in the car we all gave each other another hug and said our good byes. She got in the car with her little brother (mark), she was still crying. I don’t think mark knew what was happening. Well as the car was leaving we was waving good bye. Then I started to think about the times I remember having with her, when we would go to bed she would have the door open and the bathroom light on every single night and would start talking to me all night long( would not let me get any sleep what so ever). Then I would always yell at her to keep the light off because I can’t sleep with lights on but when I would wake up in the middle of the night the light would be on, so I would go turn them off.
But get this, that night the day they had left it was different. There was no one to keep me up while I was trying to sleep, no talking, no nothing. It was so quite. I thought it was going to be peaceful and I could actually get some sleep but I though wrong, it was way different. I turned the hall light on and actually kept the door open. I was crying all night. (could not sleep worth nothing)
I never wanted to share a room with her. She would get me so mad we argued all the time. She was always touching my stuff. I wanted her to leave so bad. And now that she is gone and I know never coming back I cry every time I go into that room. I miss her so much. Every time I think about her, tears would be draining out my eyes. Who knows when the next time ill see her.
She was like my siste
r. My only sister that I never had.Wednesday, February 25, 2009
GAME OVER!!
Game Over
You was the one I fell for,
You was the one in my heart,
You was my one and only,
You was the joy of my life,
You was my love.
Until that day had came
I seen the true you hiding
Hiding from all those layers of lies
You fooled me once, but never again
As long as I may live
After all those times I've looked into those eyes of yours
Deep down in them I never seen it coming
You must be pretty good at this game
To fool someone like me
To walk right into my heart
And play me like a game
Well lucky for you,
You may win all those other games
But this games you just played
Just got done playing you!
Sorry, but you just lost
GAME OVER!!!!
Monday, November 10, 2008
Yes this is the real life I onced lived
I'm going to try to tell you some things about me and what all had happened to me in my past. I'll be skipping some years in my life just to get to the main point. I'm thinking this might be a little long depending on if I give details in the story. Now just letting you know right now a lot of the things I'm going to tell you no one knows. And the things I'm going to say is pretty sad and depressing. I feel like I have to let this out of my system so that's why I'm going to tell you this. Well here goes nothing.
My mane is Misty Michelle Engel; I was born on June 16th 1991. Right now I am 17 years old. I remember my mom telling me that when I was born these two lady's (they were bisexual) they wanted to adopted me. I thought that was funny... I wonder if they did happen to adopted me what I would turn out like. ...
Oh yeah and I suppose I was a baby when this happened to me. I was living with my mom at the time. I was in this walker thingy and I would just zoom around in the house in it going fast and one day I was in it and fell down the steps. Yeah you would think it would be painful but my mom said I wasn't even really crying. I have a scar above my left eye from that but you really can't see it because it's like at the end of my eye brow, where there is a line going through my eye brow with no hair in that spot.
(Okay sorry I’m getting off subject)
When I was about 18 months old I got taken away from my mom and dad. That's because my dad is the drinking type, and into drugs, stealing. Let’s just say he does almost everything illegal. For my mom, my dad got her into doing drugs and who knows what else. I don’t know if my dad was in jail at the time when I got taken away but I went into a foster home. Me and my brother (Albert) The people we went to live with were Donna and Ralph. Ralph is known as Buzz. We were their first foster kids, so that was exciting to them. They have three sons. (Tony the oldest, Aaron the second oldest, and Adam the youngest) We stayed there for about two years and then went to another home. When I left from there all I can remember is the day I left. I got into the car looking out the window back at the family watching them looking back at me with tears draining down there faces. I really didn't know what was going on at the time because I was still little.
I believe my aunt Pam got us. Well what I remember living there is that she would stand me in corner standing for about an hour maybe over that. And put hot sauce in my mouth. But some how me and my brother got back in foster care of course. We were living with these sort of old couple. They split me and my brother up because he was too much I suppose. So I was living there with these people without my brother now.
Then later on in life I got moved to this other foster home with this older lady. I did not like it at all. The lady was weird but at some point in time I got out of there and my dad somehow got us back.
My mane is Misty Michelle Engel; I was born on June 16th 1991. Right now I am 17 years old. I remember my mom telling me that when I was born these two lady's (they were bisexual) they wanted to adopted me. I thought that was funny... I wonder if they did happen to adopted me what I would turn out like. ...
Oh yeah and I suppose I was a baby when this happened to me. I was living with my mom at the time. I was in this walker thingy and I would just zoom around in the house in it going fast and one day I was in it and fell down the steps. Yeah you would think it would be painful but my mom said I wasn't even really crying. I have a scar above my left eye from that but you really can't see it because it's like at the end of my eye brow, where there is a line going through my eye brow with no hair in that spot.
(Okay sorry I’m getting off subject)
When I was about 18 months old I got taken away from my mom and dad. That's because my dad is the drinking type, and into drugs, stealing. Let’s just say he does almost everything illegal. For my mom, my dad got her into doing drugs and who knows what else. I don’t know if my dad was in jail at the time when I got taken away but I went into a foster home. Me and my brother (Albert) The people we went to live with were Donna and Ralph. Ralph is known as Buzz. We were their first foster kids, so that was exciting to them. They have three sons. (Tony the oldest, Aaron the second oldest, and Adam the youngest) We stayed there for about two years and then went to another home. When I left from there all I can remember is the day I left. I got into the car looking out the window back at the family watching them looking back at me with tears draining down there faces. I really didn't know what was going on at the time because I was still little.
I believe my aunt Pam got us. Well what I remember living there is that she would stand me in corner standing for about an hour maybe over that. And put hot sauce in my mouth. But some how me and my brother got back in foster care of course. We were living with these sort of old couple. They split me and my brother up because he was too much I suppose. So I was living there with these people without my brother now.
Then later on in life I got moved to this other foster home with this older lady. I did not like it at all. The lady was weird but at some point in time I got out of there and my dad somehow got us back.
We lived in Kentucky. My dad was living with this lady named Pam... She was okay I guess but when I was going to school my dad and Pam did not help me with anything. So yeah of course I failed that year. I saw my dad doing drugs on the table in the living room. And yes at this point and time I knew what it is. I also remember when my dad would make me call Pam, mom. I didn't like that at all.
Then somehow I ended up living with my mom again. My mom was dating or married at the time with this guy named Gary. He has three kid of his own. Gary and my mom got along pretty well but as the years went by they would scream and yell at each other like almost everyday. One day I got hit in the face with this glass candle is was pretty thick and BOY! Did it hurt like heck. My brother was the only one that cared. He ran up the stairs into my room after me to see if I was okay. I also had seen Gary choking my mom in the kitchen one day. He also punched her in the mouth and made her bleed. And all sorts of other stuff he did to my mom. He also hit me before. Because I was making some muffins and as they were baking in the oven it over flowed the top of the pan I guess you can say. I was on the phone with my mom at the time and she was telling me what to do. Then Gary came in and got mad I suppose so he slapped me across my head and after he did that I ran to the door that leads up to my room and stopped there then I yelled out to him saying that he isn't my dad and he can't hit me. After I said that I ran up the steps to my room and I guess he got mad because he came up to my room and started hitting me then left. When my mom and brother got home from Kroger’s my mom was yelling at Gary. I heard them arguing from my room up stairs and they were down stairs. My brother came up to my room to see if I was okay and asked what had happened. My brother and I are close but we have our times when we fight.
at some point when i was living with my dad I believe I was about 6 years old maybe. my dad yes he has touched me in places where a dad should not touch his daughter at. I was young at the time and i should of told someone. But I didn't......
When I started struggling in life and thought that everything bad had happens was my fault. I was 13, that's when my whole life went down the drain. I could no longer deal with it (life) the fighting and all the yelling. So I finally took a stand one night and left. (I ran away that night) I went to my pastor’s house and knocked on the door to speak to his sister, he said I would have to come in so I did. (His sister was living there for few months) so I went down stairs to Elizabeth's room. We talked about why I left home and all that stuff. We hugged, cried. After we got done talking we walked up the stairs to the living room where pastor Joe and his wife Joanna was sitting down on the couch. He had called my mom and told her I was okay and just talked about whatever else they were talking about. They wanted to take me back home, I told them “NO I'm not going back home with my mom” then they said they will call her up to come pick me up, an as soon as they said that I got up an forced myself to the door and that's when Joanna and Joe got in front of me pushing me back so I couldn't leave. So I calmed down and sat back down on the couch. Joe got back on the phone with my mom talking to her and every time he would hand me the phone so that I could talk to my mom I would push it away. So I ended up spending the night there. In the morning we made a plan so I went back home and when I got home Donna came to pick me up. (We kept in touch over the years) so I stayed over her house for a week or two. Then later on a few months later I have ran away again when I was at this youth group get together night thing. I left and my best friend Stephanie was with me the whole time, along with her brother roger and Elizabeth right behinds us following me. It was getting dark as the minutes went by. I went into this alley area while I ran back there Stephanie and them lost me. I was hiding behind a bush; it was pitch dark back there. Stephanie went back there calling my name. I didn’t want to say anything but as she started leaving I called her name and so she came back. We walked up the alley way and it lead us to this top of this building. And after a little while Elizabeth and Roger caught up to us. As I was walking to the edge of the building I was just about to jump off the edge……until Roger took his hand and grabbed the back of my shirt and pulled me on the ground of the roof. I’m just laying there thinking while my back is in pain at the time. Then I got up an left back down to the street and I seen this building, the garage I guess it was well as I was just about to walk into it when Joanna pulled up in her car with my mom in it. She got out and yelled at me telling that I better not enter that building and surprisingly I listened to her and stopped myself from entering the building. She walked in a rushing way towards me I knew she was extremely mad an I didn’t even want to listen to her preaching to me. Well she grabbed my arm tight and most likely yanked me into the car. An preached to me the whole way home. Then we got home and boy did I hate it. I couldn’t go outside at all for a while she didn’t even want to going to school.
A year or two went by and I became even more depressed as the days went by. We got kicked out of our apt. because my stupid landlord lady. She was talking about my mom and so my mom called her up and all that and cursed her out. So we went to live in this store front that my mom was trying to start up which I knew it would never happen. Well me and my mom was living there, my brother left and Gary was living with his mom. Well it was hard. I was sleeping on a hard, cold tile floor every night for about quite a few months. I always had a metal bat close by and a pocket knife because at night a lot of people would be out in front and it’s just not a safe neighborhood at all. Get this I could not take any baths. There was no bath tub or shower but their was a big sink in a way. I had to wash my body like that with a wash cloth and you know the rest so yeah that sucked…. It was getting close to school getting out an when school finally let out for the summer I called Donna up so I can go over there for the summer like I do every other summer. When I finally got there a few days later she had asked me would I ever want to go back in foster care, and the situation I was living in at the time heck yes I wanted to live in foster care again. I ended up telling Donna how we were living and so she told the agency and so now I’m in foster care it took a little while for me to get in but yeah as I’m saying now I am in foster care at this moment. That still didn’t make me un depressed. When I started my new school and also going into high school being a freshman yeah that’s when I got even more depressed. I was failing all my classes besides the electives but the classes I need to pass I had F’s in them almost all 4 quarters. I started cutting myself really bad. And I tried to cut my vain in my arm deep enough for me to pass out but I guess it didn’t happen. But I still have scars all over my arm from that. I wrote this poem in school and my teacher read it and so after school they said that my social worker is going to pick me up after school to go to a meeting an I believed them. But that's not really the truth, she came to pick me up and when I got in the car and she started driving she told me that she is taking me to the hospital. And I was like o man this can’t be happening to me. So we got to the hospital and we was there for a while waiting and all this stupid stuff. But I went in there on a Friday and came out on a Tuesday. It’s was scary, when I first stayed their I woke up in the middle of the night thinking I was at home in bed and when I opened up my eyes and seen that big door and this small room I was in my mood got really sad that fast and I was crying non stop. The first night was horrible. I don’t ever want to go back there again.
When I got out I complety changed not just because I didn’t want to go back there but god was telling me something. I found out the hard way that I really have a purpose in life. As I became closer to god I changed so much I been a much happier person in the inside an outside. I now help other teens with their problems and courage them to get back up and not go down the path that been down. It’s not a nice place trust me.
I’m proud of myself for how far I came in life and I thank for the people that encouraged me in life. And the people from the vineyard church really helped. I thank you guys so much.
When I got out I complety changed not just because I didn’t want to go back there but god was telling me something. I found out the hard way that I really have a purpose in life. As I became closer to god I changed so much I been a much happier person in the inside an outside. I now help other teens with their problems and courage them to get back up and not go down the path that been down. It’s not a nice place trust me.
I’m proud of myself for how far I came in life and I thank for the people that encouraged me in life. And the people from the vineyard church really helped. I thank you guys so much.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Why do friends do this? why are they even called friends?
What is it?
why did you bring me this far?
What did you plan on me doing here?
What is my purpose doing here?
Who am I supposed to help out here?
Why are you taking me towards this path?
What joy will I bring. No one needs me anymore. Well that's what I feel like. I know it's not true but that's how I feel an this is why...... My WAS best friend is now not. She started hanging with these other kids and most likely totally forgot about me. She doesn't even notice yet an that's pretty sad I would say OR it's just that she has noticed and just don't even give a crap. Well I don't know and I really don't wanna know. I don't get how she can forget about someone like that.... not just someone..."ME" her friend.
After all the times she asks me for help with her problems I help her, I don't turn her down like she does me. I guess that shows You who's the better person is I suppose. But when I ask her for help or tell her why I'm feeling sad and she changes to another subject an talks about whatever else. But yeah I still help her when she asks. I never let anyone down if they need help.
So yeah I guess I will find that special friend someday in life.
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